Friday, February 9, 2007 @
1:52 AM
9th feb...de day i was waiting for so long..but it turned out to be my worst nightmare..woke up worrying...watched tv with worry..ate lunch with anxiety...finally de time to go to school...
Met my friends..chatted about our feelings..speculations..den 2.30 came..we walked to de hall..sat down and our principal started talking..he said we did even worse..my feelings just fell to de bottom...i almost cried...all my parents' hope are on me..if i do badly i dont noe how to face my dad..den suddenly i heard him saying...we will now release your results...i instantly grabbed my friend's hand and held it so tight it hurt her..tears started swelling in my eyes..i was sitting in de middle of de row so i had to wait till about 10 ppl got their results b4 it was me..one by one..i saw crying faces...happy faces...i got really worried and tears started falling down my cheeks..den..my english teacher started walking towards me..she said:"congratulations vivian, u have got a distinction for ur eng."I got a shock and did not reply her..i cried AGAIN cuz i was so happy..but den i started thinking..so what my eng got A..if de others are like shit den what use has it got..
Up next was me..walking towards my teacher shaking with fear..i sat down and she said:"jie ying..i expected u to be a potential CH distinction student." she then passed me my result slip..my maths cher was just beside and she commented:"aiyo..maths only c5."i left de table and back to where i was...i sat down and tears just kept flowing down..i was scolded by others for crying..some said they had to go to ITE but they are still so happy..others failed certain subjects but i didnt fail any..my principal asked me for my results and i shook my head..he asked what does shaking my head means..i said r5 20..he chided me saying that it was already good enough to be able to enter de jc..some did not even pass 3 subjects...but i was not convinced at all...my aim was to go to jc...but a 20 totally crushed my dreams..
i went home heavy-hearted.my dad was calling me...i didnt dare to answer his call..i called him back asking him to ask and come home to see for himself..i was AGAIN crying while he was looking through my results slip..he asked me what was wrong and said my results were fine..he said 20 can try for jc...even if it doesnt work i can go to poly..but in my heart i noe he expected better.....i was so guilty..my dad provided me with de best that he could...he got me de best things he could afford that were needed for my education..i was so so so guilty.............i totally let him down..
i hope my appeal would go through cuz a few of my good friends are staying in jj...and i love it there...jc is my dream..but whether i can fulfil it is a big question mark...now i can only wait..but i will try my best to get in jj....
so guilty..............................................................................................
